Peace, love and boundaries: How to stay grounded during family holiday gatherings

Ah, the holidays — that magical time of year when twinkling lights, cozy sweaters and family gatherings fill us with joy… and, if we’re being honest, sometimes a bit of stress. Between endless to-do lists, travel plans, tight budgets and Aunt Linda’s questions about your life choices, it’s no wonder so many of us feel more frazzled than festive.

But take heart: it is possible to get through the holidays with your sanity (and sense of humour) intact. With a few mindful strategies — and maybe a pinch of self-compassion — you can turn down the stress and turn up the joy this season.

1. Lower the bar — Martha Stewart isn’t coming

Let’s start with this simple truth: the holidays don’t have to be perfect. Your cookies don’t need to look like they came from a Hallmark movie, and your home doesn’t need to sparkle like a Pinterest board. (If it does, please share your secrets, but for the rest of us, crumbs on the counter are a sign of life well-lived.)

We often set unrealistic expectations because we want everything to feel special. But “special” doesn’t have to mean flawless. It can mean laughing over a burnt pie, playing cards with your cousin until midnight or taking a quiet moment with a cup of cocoa while everyone else naps.

Before the festivities start, ask yourself: What really matters to me this year? Focus your time and energy there — and let the rest go. 

2. Set realistic boundaries (yes, even with family)

Boundaries are not the Grinch who stole Christmas — they’re your ticket to a healthier, happier holiday.

If your family has certain dynamics that tend to cause stress, plan ahead. You can limit how long you stay at gatherings, skip conversations that feel tense or take a walk outside when things get heated. It’s okay to say, “I’m going to take a quick breather,” or “Let’s agree to disagree…more eggnog?”

Remember, you’re not responsible for managing everyone else’s emotions. You’re responsible for protecting your own peace.

3. Manage expectations around gift-giving

Between sales, ads and social media, it’s easy to feel pressure to buy the “perfect” gifts — even if your wallet (or your mental energy) says otherwise. But the truth is, most people don’t remember the gifts as much as the feeling behind them.

If money is tight this year, consider gifts that cost little or nothing, such as a handwritten letter, a shared meal, a walk together or a playlist of songs that remind you of someone. These gestures often mean far more than anything wrapped in shiny paper.

4. Take care of yourself (even when it feels selfish)

Between shopping, cooking and social obligations, self-care can fall to the bottom of the list — but that’s exactly when you need it most. Stress doesn’t take a holiday, and neither should your well-being.

Build small moments of calm into your days:

• Go for a walk outside (yes, even if it’s freezing. This is Canada, we’ve got this).

• Take five deep breaths before responding to a stressful comment.

• Put on your favourite playlist — whether it’s Michael Bublé or Mariah Carey’s annual Christmas comeback — and let yourself just be.

• Say no to events that drain you. “Maybe next year” is a perfectly acceptable answer.

You don’t have to earn rest. You deserve it, simply because you’re human.

5. Expect (and laugh off) awkward moments

Every family has that conversation — the one that starts innocently and somehow ends with someone storming off to “check on the turkey.” Whether it’s differing opinions, personal questions or a little too much holiday cheer, tension happens.

When you can, use humour to diffuse it. A light comment or a subject change can do wonders.

If things really get uncomfortable, remember that you don’t have to engage. You can always step away, take a breath and return when you’re ready. Sometimes, silence is the kindest gift you can give yourself. 

6. Find your moments of joy

Amid the chaos, look for the small joys. The smell of something baking. The sound of laughter from another room. The first snowfall outside. These moments are what make the season beautiful — not the perfection, but the presence.

You can even start a “holiday gratitude jar.” Each day, jot down one thing you’re thankful for, no matter how small: a good meal, a kind word or surviving another round of family trivia without losing your cool.

7. Reach out for support when you need it

If the holidays bring up difficult feelings, such as loneliness, grief or family strain, you’re not alone. These months can be hard for many people, and it’s okay to reach out for help.

At Just Us, we offer free and low-cost counselling for individuals and families across New Brunswick. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious or just need someone to talk to, we’re here to listen.

A final thought

The holidays aren’t about getting everything right — they’re about connection, compassion and care (for others and for yourself). So this year, give yourself permission to enjoy the season on your own terms.

And if all else fails, remember: even the Griswolds made it through Christmas dinner — and so will you.